ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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