im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
