i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
