decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize