kristin has been a bad kristin
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
