if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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