Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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