At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
