At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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