Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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