Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
