I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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