Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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