not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
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On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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