as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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