well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
