i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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