Already got asked if we're dating
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish I only lived at night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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