Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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