this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
