i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
