You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
