I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
