Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
