if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
