Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize