I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
