I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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