I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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