I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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