remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
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But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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