I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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