fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need water and some morals
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
