He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
