I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
