New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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