i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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