its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
