dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
