Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
