You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
