I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
