My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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