im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize