I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
