So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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