the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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