God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
