i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
