Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
