i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
