I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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