Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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