Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
