Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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