i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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