I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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