cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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