I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
