Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
