I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize