I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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