What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
