She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
