Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.