I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.