His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN