There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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