Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
