I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
