i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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