Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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