Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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